I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
