I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
