I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize