He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
