I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
