just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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