ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
