so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
