so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
