At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
