Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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