My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
