3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
