I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
