textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My vagina just recognized that song.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize