i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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