Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
