Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
