I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize