we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
