i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
