Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
