Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize