then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
