My liver just broke up with me...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
