this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Mom said you looked used
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
