and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize