the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
