I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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