Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
