Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
