its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
