pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
