apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
