I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
