She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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