Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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