i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
