I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
