I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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