Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize