Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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