You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need a beard to bite.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
