he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
