Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
