Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just made my gag reflex go away.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
