can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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