I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
try to milk me bitch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
