he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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