Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize