The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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