mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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