Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
