he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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