one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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