oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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