'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
