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barbara walters just said penis...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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