she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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