u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
