I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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