I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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