I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
