He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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