Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
