gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize