i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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