We're facebook friends in real life
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize