So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
