my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
